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What is My ROLE?

Everyone has a role in fighting against pornography when it effects someone you love.  This page can help evaluate what role  you can play in someone changing their views on sex and intimacy to battle pornography and develop true connections with others.   


You are a teacher of a healthy view of sex and intimacy.  You can model in your relationships what a healthy relationship looks like.   You protect your children by connecting with them instead of shaming and isolating.   You nurture and support your child through treatment as they learn how to change for themself. It is not your responsibility to change your child.  They must do that on their own.  If you take on that responsibility you will find disappointment, frustration, and stress that do not help you in your own journey of change.  The change you might need could be acceptance and understanding of how to move forward with new challenges of your child's struggles with pornography.  As well as playing an emotional support role, you might also play a financial support role although it is recommended that when the child is old enough they contribute to the financial responsibility in some way. This helps them to  feel more ownership of the outcome of a treatment program. Avoid taking on their burden but be there to share and encourage.   


You are the most important emotional support anyone has while going through any treatment program.  Just as a parent cannot make their child change, it is not your responsibility for you to change your partner.  It is also not "something they need to figure out on their own." If you are not making changes in your thinking throughout their process of change then total healing will not happen for either one of you.  It is true that your partner must decide they want to change and do it but this does not mean they must do it without appropriate support.  They cannot be pushed or pulled into change, but walked by side by side with someone who is willing to be vulnerable and who is open to connection. Avoid taking on their burden but be there to share and encourage.  


You are emotionally supportive but slightly disconnected from their journey of change. This is important for them to get through themselves. They should not be pushed or pulled but you can observe and share and learn along with them to be supportive.  Your advice is valuable but should not replace their treatment as this usually make someone reliant on the friend and not the principles of action and change required for healthier views of sex and intimacy.  Be open and support them in their learning. Avoid taking on their burden but be there to share and encourage.  

Child or Sibling:

You are a cheerleader and a way for them to practice what they are learning. Be patient and unashamed of their struggle. Share your own struggles and journey with them, showing trust and belief in their journey.  You cannot change them and your support can help them as you grow together through open and often communication about principles being taught in their treatment process. Avoid taking on their burden but be there to share and encourage.  

Happy Family in Nature
Couple on a Beach
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