Your youth need your support and influence particularly during puberty while they are going through so many changes. Learn how to begin conversation abut healthy sexuality.
The first step is to begin having conversations about sex. When your child speaks to you about sex they are evaluating their own view. Conversing with your young adult will help them be more conscious about their view of sex. Similar to when you speak with a teenager one of the best things that you can do is to listen. Talking about sex will help your child to be more comfortable talking about sex. Even if pornography is not your child’s issue. It is every where. Your child needs to know how to talk about pornography in any significant relationship in their life.
The primary thing that parents can do is talk with their child. Let me give you a piece of an email I received a few weeks ago.
As you warned us it would be, the first conversation was hard. Our daughter looked at us like we were absolutely crazy to talk to her about this. She clammed up and wasn’t willing to talk about her view. We didn’t push and just changed the subject. Two days later we were out to lunch and relationships came up naturally, This gave me a window to ask questions. Eventually my daughter was sharing her values with me. Talking about what she was looking for in a person, and how something this boy said offended her. Eventually she asked me what I thought about what he had said. I began to tell her my view of sex and how this joke is a little piece of his view. This was one of the rare times she didn’t zone out while I was talking to her.
There are some great things this parent did. One he came out of hiding and had the hard conversations. It didn’t even go well but attempting to have those conversations is awesome. Just bringing the conversation up helped his child evaluate her view of sex. Then when his daughter started to talk about her view on relationships and sex, he listened and asked questions. He allowed his daughter to speak and work out her own view. He only gave advice and taught when asked. As parents we feel like it is our duty to teach, yet is it really teaching if we are just talking at our child. A teachers role is to help another learn, not say certain words.
Pornography is rampant among young adults today. Research states that 87% of young men and 42% of young women seek pornography. Individuals who may not currently struggle themselves need to learn to communicate about these issues. It is important that previous to being in a long term relationship individuals know their partners view of sexuality. I know of way to many individuals who have been harmed or abused because of an individuals view of sex. This cannot be hidden from. Do not convince yourself that “he or she would never do that.” Most young adults have a view of sex that has been shaped by the media around them, specifically pornography.
As a parent you can do much good as you support your child in talking about their view of sexuality. This lifts the shame from talking about sex, thus making it easier to talk with others about sex. As individuals talk about their view of sex they begin to see sex as something powerful and sacred. They begin to sex as an amazing way to connect with someone.
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